I joined the day I lost my soul sista Christy Riopel... young moms are not supposed to suddenly pass away out of our lives forever...
I was sitting in church when I found out and it decimated me. I've never lost anyone before that was this close, this important, this young and I've been learning ever since just how GRIEF works it's way into your life and forces you to join this secret club...
the GRIEF club.
Everyone who has lost someone near and dear knows of this secret club... everyone understands that there is nothing you can do about it either... you suddenly join one day and GRIEF has it's way with you... however it wants, whenever it wants and for as long as it wants.
This is what I wrote that day...
My heart is decimated...I'm not done doing life with you yet... I'm not done laughing with you till it hurts and tears are running down my legs and I'm not done crying with you till the tears dry up and the laughter returns...I'm not done learning all you still had to teach me...I'm not done being soul sistas who truly know and love one another through good and bad times...I'm not done eating your amazing cooking (who knew you can BBQ a turkey?!?)...
I'm not done watching you create masterpieces of art out of thin air...
I'm not done with the dreams we had once we had the time and money and opportunity...
I'm not done travelling to hot tropical locations with you...
I'm not done having our long life perspective talks (who am I going to call now?!?)...
I'm simply not done and I don't know what to do...
My heart is not ready to be done...
I sat in church this morning before I knew... the Bible passage was Psalm 23 and specifically talking about walking through the valley and shadow of death... I had no idea that was coming into my life within hours...
I'm not ready to do that yet... but God is and always will be my comfort and my rock so I trust in Him to get me through and pray the same for all who knew and loved you... I love you my friend and forever soul sista...
Meanwhile, I'm still learning what it means to be a member of the GRIEF club... but this I know... I have a new appreciation for life. I always thought I already had good perspective on what is truly important, but the loss of Christy has taken it all to a whole new level yet again. I'm not exactly certain what it will all mean... but I'm open and ready to learn. I'm 50 years old and still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life... this I know... it's going to have to be meaningful.
PS. I am sooooo thankful I forced Christy to pose for a few portraits in my studio recently... I always say that one day your photos will be your most valuable possession... and there are never enough of them. Truth.
1 comment:
Allison, grief is probably the hardest thing in our lives that we have to bear. It's so hard because we loved and cared so much for the one we lost. The pain never really goes away, it just softens with time. We have countless memories, but sometimes that makes the pain return - from zero to one hundred in seconds. I think it's worse when it's an unexpected loss - it just hits us to the core and the brain can't answer the questions the heart keeps asking. It is brutal, like waves pounding on a beach and then the tide pulling you back out to sea again. Know that you are thought of more than you can imagine during this time. You are an amazing woman with a huge heart!
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